From the movie Filth (2013)
- Guy1: Did you do it up the ass?
- Guy2: Where else is there? Pussy's for faggots.
So I just watched that TimH video and then took a colorgenics test (which I used to take every 6 months but somehow forgot about it for two years). And I could not have thought of a better timing for these two things to come along.
I have experienced mind blocks. And the colorgenics result which began with “Life for some time now has been somewhat depressing and you feel ‘under the weather” kind of hits home somewhere for me. Last year was a really trying time for me and I even ended it by calling 2013 the ‘year of bad decisions’. Things are a little better now, but the effects of the previous twelve months, (including big chunks from the years before that) still torment me on occasion. A few times I even failed to recognize the beauty of the sunset that used to make me feel fortunate to have gone up a bridge on the road home at the exact time it was displaying all its glory. And now I’ve stopped typing for a few minutes because I have no idea how to follow that previous sentence.
Perhaps if I started a new paragraph..
The test results also mentioned my frustration with life and how I can’t have the attitude of detaching myself from the things that I shouldn’t be looking too much into. It said that I feel that I have to move on and it is important for my growth as a person. But seeing that my past is bound to be part of what will be a measure of my “worth” in the future isn’t helping my cause.
I like one part about it mentioning leadership. But this time I’d rather act British about it and not elaborate.
They say the highs and lows I experience can be sat quite close to each other, likening me to a tide. This I believe is a normal trait of mine, helping me grow up to keep even just a tiny bit of hope for situations that demand so much. But perhaps in an indirect contrast to that (seriously, I used that phrase?) it also mentions a lot of holding back on my part when it comes to things that I naturally desire. It’s like delayed gratification combined with over-thinking, and that most of the time spells out as very little to no satisfied cravings at all. I’ve noticed this before. But it’s the first time the issue is highlighted on a colorgenics test, which is probably because I think of it more now. And it’s been bothering me since these things usually connect each other like dots when you’ve been feeling bad for a while.
And now I need to take a number 2.
Toodles. Yeah. It’s an old thing I used to put when I blogged in high school. And it just popped up again today.